Thursday, July 30, 2015

Nation's Deer: Are You Guys Kidding with this 'Cecil the Lion' Bullshit?

PUCKERVILLE, NY - The nation's deer population voiced disbelief Wednesday over the public outcry regarding the recent shooting of Zimbabwe's Cecil the Lion by a dentist from Minnesota.

"So this one goddamn lion half a world away wanders out of the protected park and some clown shoots him - and everyone loses their shit?" said Bob the deer. "It's just a little confusing."

News of Cecil, the 13-year old Black Mane male lion who was killed in early July has reached the pages of the Washington Post, New York Times and has been a feature story in several late-night television outlets. The hunter who killed the lion has become a major target of scrutiny.

"I've been shot at on six separate occasions," Bob the deer continued. I got shot in the ear two years ago. Living as a deer in upstate New York is like target practice. Yet here's this lion living in a different country who all the locals love...I'm sure he was a nice lion and all, but it's a lot to take."

"Look, I get it,there are too many of us," Bob continued. "Our population needs to be managed. But how about some perspective for Christ's sake?"

Deer hunting is a major industry in the United States - totaling over $30 Billion annually.

Those kinds of numbers continue to frustrate the country's whitetails. "My cousin's head is mounted on a wall next to a Pabst Blue Ribbon mirror in a cabin across town," Bob the deer said. "I don't see that dick Jimmy Kimmel crying about that."